• So the other day I was out at the local mall, looking for something to eat, and I had a wad of bills burning a hole in my wallet, which is always a terrible combination since I always shop for useless stuff when I'm in this state of thoughts.

    So I stroll into this product shop that's got all kinds of good stuff, coffee machines, frying pans, and some pasta ovens that seemed really nice but really expensive.

    But I found this one equipment that seemed different from all the rest, and I couldn't quite figure out just what it was, precisely how it worked, or what it was supposed to do.

    The income professional walked over and told me it was a miraculous nutrition machine that could make any nutrition you wanted, regardless of the way complicated it was.

    All you did was take the two electrodes on the bottom, hook them up to your imagination, and the device would do the rest, it just seemed inside your thoughts to determine what you wanted to consume, and it would spit it out.

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    Then you put in the raw materials on top, and it does some kind of magic and turns the garbage into the cuisine you require, or want, or whatever.

    Since everything on planet Earth is a mix of dust and alien technology, that's exactly what this apparatus delivers, so all you require is your brain, a ready source of dust, and you'll never be hungry again.

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  • So I was sitting there having lunch with a buddy of mine, when this lovely girl came up out of no place and began to talk to me, and the female was using my name as if she'd known me for a long time.

    Now, I don't know about you, but this kind of thing almost never, if ever, comes about to me, so I was too busy saying thanks to my lucky stars to realize my lifestyle was about to be wrecked in the most horrifying trend imaginable.

    Now I didn't notice this at first because I was so transfixed by her beauty, but the girl was standing next to the satanic force himself, and he was breathing fire and destroying all the living organisms around him as if it were second nature.

    In fact, he was not even pure devil, I think he was fifty percent alien or something, or maybe some kind of dreadful experiment gong wrong, I don't know what was going on.

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    I guess what had happened is I went to see this divine girl who was also a satanic force worshiper, and I'd sold my soul to the Satan in order to meet a lady, and exactly how he'd come to collect.

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  • I was in for a lucky time when I got picked to go on this video game show, but when I realized it was all a trick to feed my skin to alien cannibals, it was too late to do anything about it.

    The inhabitants was only about three individuals, and they worked in a few shifts, as the entire entertainment park was run by programs, and the only reason they needed these a few living people during the operational time was due to some congressman or something.

    Anyhow, these programs that ran the show had some kind of divine ability to read minds, and no matter where I walked in the place, they were following me around and giving me baggage of popcorn.

    Plenty of times we would go on this ride, and there was a whole cart full of individuals when we started, but when we finished I was the only one left, and this was happening quite a lot.

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    I think maybe these robots are taking all the visitors to the park and turning them into food or something, or maybe they are feeding them to aliens.

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  • I not too long ago bought this property and the other day I was relocating in, and found a brilliant addition to the residence that had been formerly unadvertised, even though I was pretty sure that they knew about it and just didn't tell me.

    I was relocating boxes around in my completely new family area, when I came across this secret lounge down into the depths of the planet, all from behind my fireplace, which really was just a hologram to fool robbers and stuff.

    They went down a long ways, maybe three or four stories down deep into the Planet underneath my property, and I decided I'd better bring some flashlights and some weapons in case I ran into some ghosts or something.

    When I finally got the bottom of the stairways like two hours later, I discovered this massive pile of pirate treasure that had been there for a couple hundred years.

    I knew they were from cutthroat buccaneers because each jewelry coin had a cranium and crossbones on there, and there was a bunch of red bandannas lying on the ground, as well as bunch of pumpkin heads or scarecrows from some pet parrots.

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    But as I was thinking about how to spend all my new loot, these buccaneer ghouls showed up and told me the silver was staying right where it was.

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  • I was out wandering around in the horribly oppressive summer warm recently and I stumbled across this lemonade stand that was promoting this huge glasses of cold soda and pop for only 15 pennies, so naturally I purchased one.

    To tell you the truth, I thought these soda and pop stands had been outlawed by the city council for some unusual reason, but there it was, staffed by these totally fantastic university women that were trying to make money for their sorority.

    When I started drinking this awesome nectar of the gods, I was suddenly transported again in time, and everybody around me was wearing ancient garb and speaking in amazingly peculiar languages of hypnotherapy and mind control language of incredible sensuality.

    Of course, this was all in my imagination, cute ladies on a hot day will do that to you. I was actually in some kind of city fair, and the ancient land of kings was the theme.

    But this one guy told me that plenty of the ancient kinds and other regal folks would speak in a kind of code that later would develop into what we call hypnotherapy, since they had to use weapons of the mind rear then.

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    Of course, none of this is true, except the parts that I don't really understand yet.

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