The story you are about to read is true, and it really occurred, despite popular claims to the contrary, no matter the way much I wish this wasn't true. The only reason I am telling this is to give my account of events, so that when something happens in the future, I'll have something to fall back on.
I was walking home one night from the nearby pub, when abruptly I was accosted by a crowd of men and women who seemed to what to take my valuables, and possibly rob me of my wealth. Of course, since we are living in some pretty horrible economic times, and everybody is pretty broke, I am sure they are only trying to survive, but I am not going to let them survive at my expense.
All of a sudden, they surrounded me, and I was trapped without having any kind of logical means of escape. Luckily, I'm trained in the deadly arts of hypnosis I started throwing out medieval trance head weapons that swirled around their heads like angry locusts.